


A...Pie Convention?

by jamesgatz1925



Series: FRIENDS [2]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-31 21:45:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6488689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamesgatz1925/pseuds/jamesgatz1925
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You know the part of Friends when the group each separately find out about Monica and Chandler? Yeah, this is like that. Also, apparently I can't stop imagining Bitty and Jack getting into the same situations Monica and Chandler get into. Makes for a pretty funny story, though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A...Pie Convention?

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. I don't know what happens to game used pucks after they're not used in games anymore.  
> 2\. This takes place, like, late March/mid-April.  
> 3\. Apparently I think a lot of people call Bitty 'little fucker'.  
> 4\. Please like it.

"A...pie convention?" Shitty asks, arms crossed and leaning against the door frame. He watches Bittle hoist his suitcase onto the bed with a grunt. For being a freakin' college hockey player for a team that went to the freakin' finals last year, Bitty is such a dainty little fucker.

"You expect us to believe that?" Shitty adds.

"Well," Bittle mutters, "It's not a _pie_ convention. It's a culinary seminar with sections about both pastry cuisine and business management. If I want to open a bakery someday, this is a good place to start."

Shitty frowns. "Why do you need to do this shit if you're a college athlete?"

"He asks, now enrolled at Harvard Law because his professional hockey career is sky rocketing," Bittle sarcastically replies. After a second, he shakes his head. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

Shitty isn't even offended by it. That was a sick burn.

"No no, you're right. Do what you can to brighten your future. Broaden your horizons. Spread your wings. Do whatever dumb shit you need to do instead of watching Jack's big game against the Rangers."

"I will be watching it," Bitty says, rolling up his socks and underwear into perfect tubes before placing them delicately into his suitcase. "Just not with you guys."

"You better watch it," Shitty says. "This game's for a playoff chance."

"I know, I know. I wouldn't miss it."

* * *

Bitty returns to the Haus midday Monday, and it's a good thing the Falconers beat the Rangers otherwise he'd be taunted with a chorus of " _Jack lost because you weren't watching the game!"_

Oh, he was watching alright.

Just from Providence.

In Jack's apartment.

In his underwear.

Because that's allowed when you're dating the rookie big shot who's going to the Playoffs in contention for the Stanley Cup. You're allowed to secretly watch his games at his apartment half nude waiting for him to return so you can either celebrate or help him get past the disappointment.

Bitty gladly helped Jack celebrate Saturday night, all of Sunday, and once again on Monday morning. It was a getaway with Jack that Bitty very much needed.

On the train ride back to Samwell, Bitty exchanged emails with a guy that was actually at the culinary seminar. He'd explained to the guy that he had bought a seat to go but couldn't because of a family emergency, but he wanted the information on it anyway. The guy was very helpful and Bitty exited the train ready to answer any stupid questions the guys have about it.

The first thing they ask is if he saw the game, which is dumb because he livetweeted it in the first place. After asking his thoughts on specific details, he takes their questions about what he learned at the seminar.

"Oh, y'know it was more about schools to go to and what you should learn at those schools than about how to cook or bake." That was a direct quote from the email guy. "It was informative, just not what I was expecting."

The guys offer their condolences on a wasted weekend (which, the weekend was anything but wasted...), then Bitty takes his suitcase upstairs to unpack.

The first item Bitty unpacks is his souvenir from the weekend: Jack's goal scored puck. Jack doesn't keep all of the pucks, a lot of them go for sale or get reused for practices or whatever. But Jack told Bitty he wanted this one especially for him.

_"It seems a jinx to say it's my most important puck," Jack had said. "But, to date, it is. And I couldn't have done it without you. Without your hard work and dedication to make me look decent last year, I wouldn't have the opportunities I have now."_

_"Jack, come on."_

_"No, I'm serious. Without you, who knows how I would've ended up? Just the washed up son of Bad Bob who could've had a shot in his youth. But you made me want to be so much better, and you still do. I want to be better for you. I want to..."_

_Bitty stopped flipping the puck in his hands and looked over and Jack. "You want to, what?"_

_Jack diverted his gaze and softly said, "I want to make you proud."_

_Bitty turned over to face him completely. "Jack, how could you think...of course I'm proud of you. My god, I've never been so inspired by a single person. I am proud of you. Every day."_

_Jack leaned over and kissed Bitty; Bitty clutched the puck tight in his hand and kissed back._

Bitty fondly smiles at the puck, then sets it gently down on his desk. Eventually he'll put it up on his door frame with the others, but for now he wants it close enough to look at whenever he wants.

* * *

Days pass and nobody has any reason to suspect Bitty didn't go to a culinary seminar. They drop the topic entirely, mostly because Bitty had made it sound so boring to begin with.

And now there are more important things to talk about like their constant day and night critiquing of the Falconers, Jack's coach's on ice decisions, and placing higher and higher bets on the playoffs (sure, everyone feels a little bit guilty about betting against Jack, but the rule is that nobody can bet for Jack so none of them look like assholes for not picking the Falconers. They play a " _If not the Falconers, then-_ " game).

They're all down in the kitchen discussing the Ace's next match against the Red Wings over the smells of fresh apples being sliced for baking.

"Nah man," Ransom argues to the crowd, "I'm telling you, Parse is gonna choke against the Red Wings, I feel it in my freakin' gut!"

Dex offers the first point, "Statistically speaking-"

"Man, fuck your statistics!" Rans playfully shouts across the table. "I'm telling you, Parse is gonna choke!"

"You feel it in your gut, man?" Holtz mocks.

"In my gut!"

"In your _soul_?!"

"In my fucking _soul_ , guys!"

Laughter erupts through the kitchen, interrupting their bets and the pie baking.

"I'm not sitting in here for no pie, Bits!" Holtz cries when Bitty has to put the knife down because he's shaking with laughter.

"Y'all need to stop making me laugh! I'm going to chop off a finger! Oh, snaps!" Bitty cries. "I forgot my phone upstairs-"

The thought isn't even out before Chow's off his stool. "I got it!"

Everyone laughs at how eager Chowder jumps up and out of the room, but Chowder ignores their chirps and heads upstairs.

* * *

Bitty's phone is right there on the desk, right in plain sight. Chow doesn't have to look around for it, which is his line of defense when recounting his next bit of the story.

On the desk, right there next to Bitty's phone, is a puck, which isn't abnormal. This is a hockey house, so there are essentially buckets and buckets of pucks around everywhere. There's a puck balancing their coffee table, there's a stack of pucks taped together acting as a door stop. Finding a puck in Bitty's room isn't abnormal.

But there's a sticker on it, which Chow finds unusual. Curious, he picks it up and reads what is clearly an authentication sticker.

"March 30th, 2016."

Weird, Chowder thinks. That was just this past Saturday.

"Providence Falconers vs New York Rangers."

Ok...

"3rd period, 9:40. Falconers score 3-2. Goal by..."

Chowder doesn't have to read on to know who the goal was by, he watched it. He tweeted about it. He texted Jack about it right then because he knew Jack would see the text later.

But why does Bitty have Jack's-

Chowder almost drops the puck when it hits him. "Oh my god," he says out loud.

Jack gave this puck to Bitty. Which means Bitty wasn't at a culinary seminar at all, he was in Providence with Jack.

Which means he lied to them, which means Bitty was hiding his meeting with Jack.

Which means...too much for Chowder to even begin to comprehend. Bitty snuck down to Providence to see Jack without telling, or inviting, any of the guys. Bitty is seeing Jack in secret. Is he _seeing_ Jack in secret?!

Chowder is too wrapped up to hear his name called, or the door squeak open. It isn't until Bitty is right behind him that he even notices how much time has passed.

"Chow, did you get lost? What are you-" Bitty gasps; Chowder tears his eyes from the puck to Bitty. "What are you doing?" Bitty asks, this time more serious.

"What are _you_ doing?!" Chow asks, trying not to sound hurt. Because he's not hurt, why would he be? He's just very, very shocked.

Bitty glances at the puck. "Chow-"

"How'd you get this? Why'd you get this? Why did you go to Providence without us?"

Chow thinks he must looked at shocked and confused as he sounds, because Bitty ushers him to the desk chair and takes the puck from Chow's hand. Chowder still stares at it, though, as if asking it how it got into Bitty's room.

"Jack gave this to me," Bitty says. "Uhm...because it was important. And he wanted me to have it."

Now, Chowder isn't as naive as they may think. Everyone thinks he's just a kid who doesn't understand sex or relationships, but darn it he was the first one in the whole Haus to even get a girlfriend when they came to Samwell. And he's given her a puck. And he knows what it meant for Jack to give Bitty this extremely important puck.

"Are you..." Chow doesn't want to sound judgmental, or unsupportive, and disgusted in any way. Because he's not, it's fine. It's fine if Bits and Jack are seeing each other. It's fine if they hold hands, and kiss, and...possibly...do other things together.

Chow's eyes widen and he jumps out of the chair. "Are you guys doing other things together?!"

"Ssshhh!" Bitty cries, covering Chow's mouth with his small hand. "I...Chowder, listen. You're the only person _anywhere_ who knows. Ok? Not even my parents know. Can you...do you understand what I'm asking you? I know it's a lot, but...for Jack, it's-"

Chow agrees to not say anything before he can process what he's even agreeing to not say anything about. "I won't say anything."

Bitty sighs in relief and collapses on the now vacant chair. "Jack can't have anyone know."

Chow begins to pace as his mind fills with many questions. How? When? Why?

"So what...what is going on?"

"Jack and I are dating," Bitty confirms.

"Since when?"

"Since...last year's graduation."

"Since graduation?!" Chow cries. "That's almost a year!"

Bitty rubs his face. "I know. It's been a long time. But for Jack's sake, we can't have anyone know."

Chowder nods. "I understand. You can trust me."

Bitty stands abruptly and hugs Chowder so tight that the wind is knocked out of Chow's chest.

"It's so relieving that someone knows," Bitty mutters against Chow's shoulder.

Chowder hugs back and inwardly vows to keep this secret as long as they do.

* * *

By the time they make it downstairs, the pies are already in the oven because Rans and Holtz got impatient. Questions are asked but they say nothing about the truth. Bitty is pleased that Chow is so not-awkward about it.

Later that night, he tells Jack that Chowder knows. Jack sounds skeptical, but Bitty insists they can trust him.

"Doing anything to jeopardize your career is the absolute last thing Chowder wants to do."

"I guess you're right," is all Jack says.

* * *

Weeks pass. It's getting nearer and nearer to the end of the year; since Samwell didn't make it very far into the championships, the guys have more time to focus on their finals and the Falconers' playoff run.

Jack and Bitty can't see each other for weeks, not since the puck incident, but that's okay because Jack wouldn't be very good company now because he's so tense. The few conversations they can have without interruption, Bitty is trying to calm Jack.

Today, Bitty is taking a different approach than the usual " _You're fine, we're all proud of you no matter what."_

Instead, his text starts with, " _Would it make you feel better if I got on my knees for you right now?_ "

Jack replies almost instantly. " _That would be nice._ "

Bitty grins wickedly. Jack just told him he's at team lunch, and he imagines Jack's cheeks reddening while reading the text, surrounded by his teammates who would be completely shocked to see "Bittle" (as he is in Jack's phone) texting about getting on his knees for Jack.

Bitty replies, " _I'd let you push my head down as far as I could go. Would you like feeling your dick hit the back of my throat?"_

Bitty sets his phone down and continues cutting up potatoes for the roast he's preparing. For some reason he and the guys agreed that a nice roast would be great for dinner.

Bitty laughs at Jack's simple answer of, " _I would_." Jack isn't the world's best sexter, or texter, but it's probably driving him crazy that he can't reply or react the way he wants.

Bitty bites his lips and replies, " _Remember last time we were together and I held your hands behind your back while sucking you? I liked that, I liked feeling your hips pushing forward to try to get closer to me because you couldn't touch me. And when you came from just my mouth I almost lost it myself."_

Jack takes a while to reply, so Bitty assumes he must be taking the team walk back to the hotel. Jack will be alone soon, so maybe after he's got this roast in the oven they can FaceTime.

Bitty goes to the fridge where the roast should be waiting for him, but instead he finds dozens of bottles of beer.

"Dang it, guys! Who replaced the roast with beer?!" With a sigh, he heads down to the basement for the second refrigerator where he's sure the roast now is.

* * *

Hearing Bitty shouting about something from upstairs, Ransom rolls out of his bed and trots down to the kitchen.

"What do you want, Bit?" he asks to an empty room. "Oh."

Rans shrugs and goes to the fridge where he finds no food but a dozen bottles of their favorite cheap beer. With a smile, he takes one out of the fridge and snaps the cap.

Bittle's phone dings and lights up on the counter. Curious, and very nosy, Rans picks it up.

His eyes almost fall out of his head when he reads the scandalous text. He skims it, really, but what catches his attention is this person (three heart eye emojis as the contact's name) says something about pulling Bitty's hair.

"Jesus," Rans mutters; then, even more curious as before because now he knows Bitty is having a secret affair with someone, he unlocks Bitty's phone and finds the sender's number. He just has to know who Bitty is seeing.

He memorizes the number, then locks the phone when he's done. Before Bitty comes back, he darts out of the kitchen with an extra beer bottle for Holster.

It drives Ransom crazy all afternoon who the number belongs to. He doesn't think he recognizes it, but a part of him feels like that random set of numbers means something. It's just a weird feeling he has that he's going to know who Three Heart-Eye Emoji is.

Remembering the number, Rans takes his phone out of his pocket and types the number in.

Now...that can't be right, he thinks. Confused, he types the number in again and this time makes absolute sure that he has the number right. Again, his same mutual contact pops up.

 _Maybe it's glitching because I called him yesterday,_ Rans thinks, restarting his phone to try again.

Still, the same number comes up.

"What the fuck?" Rans says out loud.

"Huh?" Holtz asks from next to him.

"My phone's fuckin' up, let me use yours?"

Holtz doesn't look up from the television when he hands his phone over. Rans unlocks the other boy's phone and tries to type the number in again.

Now he's sure he hasn't fucked it up. He's sure that's the same exact number that Bitty was fucking sexting earlier. But it can't...it's...

"Holy shit!" Rans cries, almost dropping Holster's phone.

"Jesus dude, watch it," Holtz says, taking his phone back. "What is it?"

 _Bitty and Jack are fucking!_ , Ransom wants to scream, but he doesn't, he can't, he's not positive. Maybe they were...joking, yeah. He and Holtz joke about being a couple all the time. They've mentioned how well their taxes would come out for them if they got married.

But Jack isn't a joking guy, and definitely not like that. Jack is a, get-flustered-and-embarrassed-when-Shitty-fake-flirts-with-him-guy. Jack is a, cringe-when-someone-mentions-Kent-Parson's-name-guy. Jack is a...stare-at-Bitty-with-fucking-heart-eyes-guy.

Three heart-eyes emoji's.

Ransom rubs a hand over his face and feels...oddly content about it. And damn it's nice to know Jack is getting laid.

Bitty you saucy little fucker. You go, Bits.

* * *

Ransom keeps quiet for a couple of days, long enough for him to finally stop picturing those texts every time someone mentions Jack's name. Jack and Bitty...sometimes he smiles fondly to himself knowing those two _finally_ made it happen.

It's not like they were inevitable. But now that Rans has a lot of time to think about it, they just fit. They make sense.

On Saturday the Falconers are actually playing in Boston, so all the guys are going to go to the game. Ransom physically stops himself from asking if Bitty's going to see Jack while he's here, but Bitty lets them know anyway that Jack will be at the Haus on Friday afternoon, just to visit. Ransom and Holster volunteer to go shopping for Bitty (not anything important; they can't be trusted to get anything important). Rans secretly hopes it'll give the two love birds a minute alone.

He tries to drawl out their shopping experience, making Holtz stop to examine every package of pasta before picking the one Bitty put on the list, and he thinks he gave the two enough time to get reacquainted, but when they enter the house they're not downstairs in the sitting room or kitchen. Holtz spots Jack's coat and runs upstairs excitedly.

"Holtz, wait!" Ransom calls after him, wanting to stop him from barging into any room he thinks Jack may be in. But as soon as he gets up to the second floor landing, he pauses when he sees Holster stopped in front of Bitty's door.

His eyes are wide, his jaw is dropped open. "Are they-"

Ransom grabs Holster's arm and yanks him to the nearest room: across the hall to Chowder's room.

* * *

Chow nearly falls out of his desk chair when Holster and Ransom barge in. He yanks the earbuds from his ears and stares at them.

"What are you guys-"

"Jack and Bitty are _fucking_?!"

Chow's stomach drops. This is a huge secret, one that he alone is trusted with, how do they know?!

"What?!" is all he can yell. Fake shock, that's a way to start.

Holtz begins to pace the room while Rans tries to calm him.

"This is un-fucking-believable. Two of our ultimate bros are doin' the dirty under _our_ roof and they decide not to tell anyone?! Is this why Bitty kicked us out of the house?!"

Chowder says nothing.

"Dude, listen, I just figured it out a few weeks ago, so-"

Holtz stops to stare at Rans. "You knew? You knew and you didn't tell me?!"

"Well, I only found out on accident after doing some serious snooping that I shouldn't have even been doing in the first place. I haven't told Bitty that I know, I figure it's their business and when they want anyone else to know they'll tell."

"Wait, who else knows then? Just you?"

Chowder has gone through this whole exchange unnoticed. Maybe if he just stares at the ceiling they'll forget he's there. Yeah, that's a nice ceiling. A little discoloration but what fifty year old frat house doesn't have some sort of weird cosmetic issue? In fact, the Beta house-

Chow's eyes travel back to Rans and Holtz, who are now staring at him with their arms crossed sternly.

"This ceiling, I think I ought to get some paint and-"

"How long have _you_ known, Chowder?" Rans asks.

Chowder licks his lips nervously. "Uh...a few weeks-"

"Bitty told you and not US?!"

"No, no, he didn't tell me! I found out on accident and he just...I'm not as naive as you guys think I am, you know."

Holtz and Rans frown.

"Well, dude," Ransom says, talking to him like he's a little kid. Chowder lets it slide. One thing at a time. "It's just that we've known Jack and Bits longer than you have."

Chowder sighs. "Look, guys, it's their business, ok? Not ours. Let's just forget it and tell them we all know because I think it'd make Bitty feel a lot more relieved if we all know-"

"Ooooor..." Holster says, grinning ear to ear. "We don't tell them we know and fuck with them instead."

Rans smiles back at him. "What do you have in mind?"

As Ransom and Holster concoct a plan and Chowder gets back to his essay, the door opens and Lardo casually steps in, no expression on her face, and shuts the door softly behind her.

"Is anyone else aware that Jack and Bitty are fucking across the hall?"

Rans and Holtz just turn to each other and smile wickedly. Chowder drops his head to the desk with a groan.

* * *

The d-men's _genius_ plan is, basically, to seduce Jack. Just to fuck with them, get them to admit they're messing around. Luckily they live with a hot chick who can flirt with Jack until he cracks under pressure, which they're sure will happen to Jack before Bits. Dude hates secrets. Hates knowing them, hates being a part of them.

They start the plan by leaving the house before Jack and Bitty are finished. They leave Chow because he was there anyway, and he'll tell the couple that they dropped the groceries off real quick (so quick that Chow had to get them off the front porch) then bounced to catch the last of the Western Division A championship match.

It's not completely a lie; they do see the end of the game. By the time they return, dinner is made and Jack and Bitty are glowing around the edges. Holtz makes a mocking puke face behind their backs.

While they're washing up, "helping" Bitty with dishes, Ransom and Holster motion to Lardo to start The Plan. Chowder nervously bites a nail as she makes her way around the kitchen island to Jack.

"So Jack, ready for tomorrow's game?"

"Uh..." Jack mutters. "As ready as I can be I guess. To be honest, I was more nervous for the NCAA championship than this."

"Well, I don't know why you're nervous. You're amazing, you'll do great."

"Thanks, Lardo."

Lardo smiles up at him, a cute little smile the guys recognize as her flirty smile. Shitty has a dance he does when Lardo gives him that smile (he's had the pleasure of doing it exactly three times). Jack definitely notices it because his eyes widen a fraction.

"Those big, official NHL workouts have been treating you well," Lardo says, reaching over to fucking squeeze Jack's giant bicep.

It's a wonder how she's not cracking up doing this, because Holtz has to excuse himself from the room when a blush creeps across Jack's cheeks. Rans chokes back a laugh when he looks at Bitty, who looks simultaneously confused and murderous. If there was anything to let the guys know they're together (besides, you know, hearing them going at it earlier), it was that look that Bitty is giving Lardo.

"Well," Lardo finally says, her voice low and, if they had to describe it, a little sexy, "Good luck tomorrow. And Jack?"

Jack audibly gulps. "Yeah, Lard?"

"Score a goal for me?"

Ransom snorts beer out his nose when Bitty drops a plate in the sink.

* * *

As Jack is leaving after dinner, Lardo gives him a playful wink. Bitty practically pushes the bigger man out of the door after that, then joins the rest of them in the living room.

"What's going on, Lardo?" Nursey asks, genuinely confused by the exchange, since he and Dex aren't involved in The Plan.

"Oh I just…" Lardo sighs. "Jack's got a certain something all of a sudden, doesn't he?"

"Yeah," Holtz agrees, "An NHL contract."

They all laugh. Lardo shakes her head.

"No, no, not that. Like personally, I don't know. He's gotten more handsome in Providence or something. It's treating him well."

Ransom glances at Bitty, his nose buried in his phone. He nudges Holtz and winks.

"What do you think, Bits?" he asks.

Bitty's head darts up. "What?"

"Notice anything different about Jack lately?"

"I...no. Different? Not really."

Lardo shrugs. "There's just something there. Something I didn't see before. Maybe a new confidence in himself? He's definitely gotten more talkative. I don't know, it's a bit…" Lardo pauses dramatically before adding, "Sexy."

"Ooooh!" the boys all chant, making Lardo (fake) and Bitty (real) blush.

* * *

Though Bitty does wonder what Lardo's sudden thing for Jack is, it's not completely unbelievable that she just noticed his attractiveness. Jack has gotten more confident, which is very sexy, but Bitty wants to claim a little bit of that development. It probably helps Jack that someone is often telling him how much they want his dick.

The next evening, they all go to Jack's important game. It's an exciting match, Jack scores a goal and the Falconers win in overtime. Bitty wishes he could jump into Jack's arms and tell him how proud he is, but he can't. He settles for a friendly pat on the shoulder and a promise to make Jack a pie later on (which is what he does when anyone deserves a treat).

His lack of display of affection doesn't stop Lardo from planting a kiss on Jack's cheek!

Bitty wants to yell, stop her from touching Jack at all, but he can't. He keeps quiet and clenches his fists at his sides.

The guys and Lardo ride home together in the same car, which means Bitty can't be bitchy because they'd chirp him for acting so dumb. He wants to be alone to fume in peace, to think about what the hell is going on. What he wants to do is confront Lardo, not as Jack's 'lover' but as a mutual friend who can pretend to be a helpful shoulder.

But, on the one hand, he definitely doesn't want to hear Lardo say the words 'sexy' and 'Jack' in the same sentence again.

On the other hand, he really does want to know what's gotten into Lardo lately. All of a sudden she has eyes for Jack? Seems a bit weird. Bitty doesn't want to think she's desperate, because Jack does have a lot of qualities one may find attractive. But she's _never_ ever shown an interest in Jack before. Jack's walked around in his underwear before and she's never even batted an eye. But all of a sudden, she's kissing Jack's freakin' cheek?

Bitty gasps in realization. She knows about them!

"Everything ok, Bits?" Holtz asks from the driver's seat.

"Huh? Yeah, I'm good."

Immediately, he thinks Chowder told her. She and Chow are pretty close, as she is with every guy in the Haus, but she is a trustworthy enough person that, if he had a secret about someone else that he couldn't tell anyone, he would probably trust Lardo with it. Just because sometimes you _have_ to tell someone. Plus, they share a bathroom. Their bedrooms are pretty much connected. Chowder's had plenty of time and opportunity to tell her.

As soon as he gets to the house, he needs to ask Chow.

* * *

Chowder's stomach drops when Bitty asks if he can talk to him upstairs. With a gulp, Chowder follows Bitty up to his room. He sits when Bitty offers. He folds his hands delicately on his nap. Bitty begins to pace. Maybe he'll forget Chowder is there.

"So…" Bitty starts after a second. "Lardo is acting weird lately, right?"

"Uhm…I guess."

"I mean, it's not unbelievable she suddenly likes Jack. Jack is, well, Jack is a catch and a half. But _suddenly_ …"

Chowder sweats nervously.

"Lardo knows doesn't she?"

Bitty sounds a little bit mad. Chow's voice raises in defense. "Well, I didn't tell them!"

" _Them_?!"

Oh, shit…Bitty doesn't know Rans and Holtz know.

Chowder "Just…Lardo…and Chowder…"

Bits tilts his head to the side. "Chow…"

Chowder frowns. "And Holtz and Rans."

With a loud sigh, Bitty throws himself onto his bed and buries his head in his hands. "Great."

"They made me promise not to tell so they could mess with you guys."

Bittle's head lifts instantly. "They're just messing with us?"

"Did you really think Lardo has a thing for Jack?"

Bitty shrugs.

"But, listen Bits, they're cool with it! And they know, so now you guys can actually officially tell us and the secrets will just go away!"

"Oooooor…" Bittle mutters, standing to pace again.

"Oh god, please no."

"They think they can mess with us," Bitty says, mostly to himself while Chowder tries to rub his stress headache away. "We'll show them."

Chow asks if he can leave when Bitty gets his phone out to call Jack. Bitty excuses him, but not before pulling him into a hug.

"Oh?" Chow sighs, being squeezed by the tiny southerner.

"Thanks for not telling them, Chowder. I knew I could trust you."

Chowder's fear of Bitty and Jack being mad at him drops. He just hugs back happily.

* * *

A few days later, the day before the guys are going down to Providence for the Falconer's first game in the second round of playoffs, Team Zimbits (the team name Bitty unnecessarily gave them) puts their Plan into effect. After Bitty explained everything to Jack, and Jack said as long as it didn't interfere with hockey, Bitty decided the best course of action would be to freak the other guys out completely, which meant Jack would go along with Lardo's flirting.

Bitty listened for everyone to leave the house, then told Jack it was clear to call Lardo. They FaceTime'd on their laptops and Jack put his phone on speaker so Bitty could hear what Lardo had to say.

"Hey you," Lardo answers cutely.

"Hey Lardo," Jack says smoothly. "How are you doing?"

"Good. A little sad."

"Why?"

"I haven't heard from you lately."

"Well, you know how it is," Jack says, sounding smug. "But I've been…thinking about you a lot lately."

Lardo takes a few extra seconds to reply, which is just a, "…Huh?"

Bitty mutes himself so Lardo won't hear his laugh over the computer. A wide smile spreads across Jack's face.

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested, Lardo."

"I…well…I…"

"I was just wondering if you might want to get some alone time tomorrow after the game?"

"I…I'll actually have to get back to you about that. Talk soon, Jack."

She hangs up before Jack can even say anything, then Bitty unmutes himself and they laugh together.

"That'll show them!" Bitty says between chuckles.

* * *

Lardo quickly pulls the phone away from her ear and hangs up. "Jack just asked me out on a date!"

"What?!" Holster and Ransom yell at the same time.

"He just said maybe tomorrow after the game we can get some _alone time_."

"That dog!" Ransom cries.

"I can't believe he'd do that to Bitty!" Holster adds.

They take a second discussing how fucked up that is, why Jack is doing it when he's seeing Bitty, then they simultaneously notice how quiet little froggy Chow is being. They each turn to him.

Chow examines the sidewalk.

"Chowder, do they know we know?" Lardo asks.

"No."

"Chow..."

Chow quietly says, "They know you know."

"Oh man!" Holtz cries. "Man, this was getting good."

"No, no wait." Ransom calms him. "They don't know that we know that they know we know."

Each of them recount that in their heads. Finally they all agree.

"Chowder, you can't say anything."

Still visibly confused, Chow agrees.

"Alright, Lardo, tomorrow we'll leave you guys alone long enough for you to get him to confess. Got it?"

"Got it."

* * *

The Falconers win the first game in Providence, which means the plan is still in effect. The guys agreed that if Jack loses, they'll leave him alone and not mess with him because they know he'll be in a foul mood. But when the final buzzer sounds and they've won, they all grin knowingly at each other.

"Can't wait to see you later, Jack," Lardo says to him as they're leaving the tunnel for Jack to go get changed. "Maybe we can get rid of the guys."

"Yeah, maybe," Jack replies, smiling back at Jack.

The guys go to their hotel room to get Lardo ready, but Bitty goes with Jack so he can start dinner in Jack's kitchen. Whether that was the truth or not, they don't say anything about it.

Lardo packed a black skirt and a tank top with buttons on the top (Ransom tells her to unbutton the top button so a little bit more cleavage shows) for her and Jack's "date". The guys fake whistle and cat call her as she exits the bathroom. They joke that it's going to completely freak Jack out.

"Alright, showtime!" Ransom yells, ushering everyone out of the hotel room.

* * *

Back at Jack's apartment, Bitty dresses Jack in a plain black t-shirt and jeans.

"What do you think Lardo's going to do?" Jack asks.

"I don't know, but whatever she does, you do it back."

Jack looks confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean if she flirts with you, you flirt back."

"What if she actually tries something with me?"

"She won't! If you do as she does, she'll completely crack first. All you have to do is get her to admit we've won. And we will win. Team Zimbits never loses."

"When have we ever had a competition together?"

"That's not the point, Jack."

"I'm so lost."

Bitty rolls his eyes and is about to speak when the doorbell rings. "Okay," Bitty says instead. "Go get the door. I'll listen from the bedroom."

Jack nods. Bitty grabs his face and kisses him quickly, then darts into the bedroom when the doorbell rings again.

Jack takes a deep breath then opens the door to find only Lardo waiting on the other side.

"Oh…you're…alone." Jack mumbles.

"I did say I wanted some alone time, didn't I?" she asks, waltzing into the apartment. "Where's Bittle?"

"He had to run to the market down the street. Apparently I don't have any lemon pepper. Honestly, I don't even know what that is."

Lardo laughs, even though Jack didn't really say anything funny.

"Oh, Jack."

Lardo touches his arm. Jack diverts the touch by taking the bottle of wine he just noticed she's holding.

"I picked that up on the way. I know you don't like to drink but I thought a bottle of wine might do you some good."

"Thanks," Jack says, taking it to the kitchen in the corner of the room. "I'll just get some glasses."

"So," Lardo says, leaning up against the counter. "Here we are."

"Here we are," Jack agrees. Bitty said to do everything she does; repeating what she says is a surefire way to do just that. It doesn't help him seem calm and smooth that he's shaking a little bit.

"Nervous?" Lardo asks.

"Nervous? For what?"

"For the sex I want us to have."

Jack almost drops the bottle of wine. It's a quick recovery, but wine splashes down the front of his shirt.

"Oh, god. Let me go clean up, I'll be right back."

Jack practically runs out of the room. Lardo calls after him, "Slip into something a little more comfortable! Or a little something…less."

Jack runs into Bittle when he enters the bedroom.

"Did you hear her?!" Jack cries, yanking his wet shirt off.

"She's just messing with you!"

"That was…more than I expected, Bittle!"

Bitty rolls his eyes again. "She isn't serious, Jack. Come on! Just keep going. I promise she'll admit it first."

Jack takes a deep breath, then looks at his chair where all of his clean clothes usually live. They're now residing on the bed, neatly folded in color coded piles.

"Did you fold my clothes?"

"I clean when I'm nervous, sue me! Go put on some music and seduce her until she cracks!"

Jack laughs, wants to kiss Bitty for being so cute, but Bitty pushes him out of the room.

* * *

Lardo opens the front door to the apartment to find the guys all pressed up against it trying to listen.

"Can we just end this?" Chowder tries, leaning against the opposite wall. "Just tell Jack the truth? I want to go inside! I'm hungry and I have to pee!"

"We're so close," Ransom tells him.

"Not close enough," Holster argues. Chowder sinks against the wall with a pained groan. "Here…" Holtz says, ignoring Chow. He reaches over and pops another two buttons on Lardo's tank top.

"Watch it!" she cries, but is impressed at the speed and skill in which he just did that. "You didn't tear a button, nice."

Holtz grins triumphantly. "I've had practice."

"Unbuttoning your own shirts? Guys, focus!" Rans reminds them there's an important mission going on. "You're doing great out there. Just a little bit further. And now that your bra is actually showing it's going to completely freak him out."

"Right."

They hear Jack's bedroom door opening, so Lardo pushes the guys away and reenters the apartment.

"Oh, are you leaving?" Jack asks.

"No, no I thought I heard the doorbell ring. Thought maybe it could be Bitty or the other guys."

Jack nods understandingly. "I'm just going to put on some music," he says, stepping over to the sound system next to the television.

He starts playing some random classic rock love song. It's totally not sexy. Maybe Bitty thinks it's sexy.

"Good choice," Lardo says anyway.

"Thanks," Jack says, turning to Lardo again. His eyes widen a fraction when he notices the button on her top missing. "Where, uh, where were we?"

"Wine," Lardo says, leading him back to the kitchen.

They pick up their glasses and both take a healthy swig; Lardo is trying to buy time because she has no idea what to do next.

She spots lotion on the counter near the sink. It's a nice scented mixture, one she recognizes from the Haus because Bitty keeps it near the sink there, too. She puts down her glass and reaches for the lotion.

"How about a massage? You're probably sore, and, honestly, I want to feel your skin."

Jack gulps. "Sure. A massage would be nice."

Lardo smiles, then grabs Jack's hand and pulls him to his couch. She puts the lotion down on the coffee table, but before she sits she turns to Jack and grabs at the bottom of his new t-shirt.

He quickly grabs his own shirt before she can start undressing him, yanking it off his head and sitting before she has a chance to touch his abs like she had momentarily planned to. He's getting flustered. Lardo is sure it's in the bag now.

Lardo squirts a small amount of lotion on her hand and begins to rub Jack's back with it. It's awkard, she has no idea what she's doing and she's never touched Jack this way. This is weird, she thinks about giving up, but she can't abort the mission and let the guys down. They'd never stop chirping her about not fulfilling the joke on Jack and Bitty.

So she goes on, rubbing Jack but feeling no change in him. He's not going to melt in her arms, she knows that, so she has to take it further.

"Jack?" she asks softly.

He jumps. "Yeah?"

"I'd really like to…to kiss you now."

Lardo wraps her arms around Jack's waist, pressing up against him and hugging him from behind. He turns in her arms. Clearly trying not to touch her, his hands hover over her waist. She leaves her hands on his, though.

"I'm…I'm going to touch you now," he says.

"I'd like that."

Jack bites his lip and places one hand on Lardo's waist, then the other one he brings up to her chest. Diverting his gaze from her exposed bra, he places his hand gently on her shoulder.

"Oh…" Lardo sighs, as if disappointed.

"Okay I…" Jack mutters. "I guess I'm going to kiss you now."

"Not if I kiss you first," Lardo says, leaning in only a tiny fraction. She doesn't want to kiss Jack, not even for the joke. Jack is hesitating, too. All she has to do is go far enough to get him to confess.

Long seconds pass, and they're still taking their time meeting in the middle. Finally they do, their lips tensely touch and their eyes don't even close.

Finally! Jack jumps clear off the couch and as far away from Lardo that he can get in four seconds.

"Ok, ok, ok! You win! You guys win! I can't have sex with you!"

The guys burst through the door, but nobody notices Jack's bedroom door creep open.

"Ha-ha!" Lardo cries. "And why not?!"

"Because I'm in love with Bitty!"

Everyone gasps so loud. Time pauses, air leaves the room. Did they all hear that right? Did Jack Zimmermann just say he's _in love_ with Bitty?

"You're…what?!" Holtz and Rans exclaim at the same time.

"That's right! I love him!" Jack points at Bitty stepping slowly out of the room, looking just as shocked as the rest of them.

"Holy shit," Ransom mutters.

"Bro, we knew you guys were doin' it. We didn't know you were in love!"

"Aww!" Chowder sighs.

Bitty finally makes his way to Jack, practically having crawled there because he is so surprised. He and Jack both have a blush across their faces that doesn't look like it's going away anytime soon.

Jack looks worried though. "Bitty I'm sorry, I just…"

"Sshh," Bitty shushes him. "I love you too, Jack."

They embrace sweetly, taking each other in a practiced hug and kissing in such a sweet way that it's apparent they've done in a thousand times now.

The guys watch them admiringly.

They pull apart after a second, Bitty staying securely in Jack's arms.

"And Lardo, excellent competitor," Jack says, reaching around Bitty to shake Lardo's hand. "And, uh, your shirt is still unbuttoned.

"Oh!" Lardo gasps. "Eh, it's nothing you fools have never seen before."

"True, true," they all agree.

Chow sighs happily from the back of the group. "So everyone knows now! Man, I feel so relieved!"

"Actually," Bitty says, "Shitty doesn't. And Jack would appreciate it a lot if y'all didn't say anything so we can tell him face to face first."

Chowder groans. "Gosh, please do it soon."

* * *

The next chance they have to tell Shitty is a week later when Jack gets a chance to go up to Boston for a few fours. Shitty meets him at the Haus, then they sit him down and tell him the news.

And of course he's the most happy out of the whole group.

"Jack Laurent Zimmermann, get over here you maple leaf bastard!" he takes Jack in a hug.

"And Bitty, you peachy little fucker!" he hugs Bitty, too. "I knew there wasn't a damn pie convention!"

When Shitty leaves the room to go smoke outside with Holtz, Jack and Bitty turn to each other.

"Did he threaten to kill you if you hurt me?" Bitty asks.

"Yup," is all Jack can say, still shocked.

"Great. Glad he took it so well."

Jack and Bitty smile at each other, then kiss happily in the openness of the Haus living room.


End file.
